How to Ask for an Introduction (Without Putting Anyone in an Awkward Position)

There is someone you want to meet, and you know exactly who could introduce you. The request has been sitting in your drafts for three weeks, because every version of it feels like an imposition.

So you either send nothing, or you send the version that quietly makes it the connector's problem: "Any chance you could put me in touch with Dara?" That message looks polite and small. It is actually the most expensive way to ask, because it leaves all the work with the person doing you the favour.

Introductions are the highest-yield messages in a one-person business. They are also the easiest to get wrong in ways nobody ever tells you about, because a connector who found your ask awkward will simply never mention it.

What you are actually asking for

An introduction costs your connector about ninety seconds of typing. That is not the thing you are spending.

What you are spending is their credibility. When they forward your message, they are telling someone they value that you are worth ten minutes. If you are not, the cost lands on them, not you: a slightly worse relationship with the person they introduced you to, and a slightly higher bar the next time they consider vouching for anyone.

Once you see the ask that way, the etiquette stops being a list of rules and becomes one question. Am I making it easy for this person to say yes, and safe for them to say no?

Everything below is a version of that question.

Ask the connector first, privately

Never cc the person you want to meet into the request. It looks efficient and it removes the connector's ability to decline without an audience, which is the one thing the arrangement depends on.

The pattern that works is the double opt-in: you ask the connector, the connector checks with the other person, and only then does the introduction happen. Both sides get a private veto, and nobody arrives in a conversation they did not agree to.

A good request has four parts and fits on a phone screen.

Name the person, specifically. "Someone in fintech" makes them do the thinking. "Dara at Monzo, who you mentioned on the podcast" does not.

Say why the meeting is worth their time too. One sentence. Not flattery, a reason. This is the sentence the connector will reuse when they decide.

Attach the forwardable paragraph. More on this below. It is the difference between a favour that needs thought and one that needs a click.

Give them the exit. "If it is not a natural intro, genuinely no problem, just say and I will leave it there." Say it once and mean it. A connector who feels able to decline is a connector you can ask again.

Here it is assembled:

Hi Priya, a favour, with an easy no attached. You mentioned you worked with Dara at Monzo. We have just built the reconciliation piece she was complaining about on the panel, and I would love twenty minutes of her view on whether it holds up at their volume. I have written something forwardable below so it is one click for you. If it is not a natural intro, no problem at all, just say.

Forwardable:

Jo builds Ledgerly, a small reconciliation tool for finance teams. She has built the flow you were describing on the fintech panel and wanted twenty minutes of your read on whether it survives at your volume. Not selling anything, happy to be told it does not apply. Free most afternoons next week.

The forwardable paragraph

If you take one thing from this post, take this one. Most introduction requests fail not because the answer was no, but because the connector read them on a Tuesday, thought "I will write that properly later", and later never arrived.

A forwardable paragraph removes that gap. Written well, it does four things in about sixty words.

And three things it should never do: run past a hundred words, attach a deck, or hint at an ask larger than the one you stated. A forwardable paragraph carrying a hidden pitch is how connectors learn not to forward your messages.

Write it in the third person, as though the connector wrote it about you. That is not a trick, it is a test: if it reads as embarrassing when someone else says it, it was overclaiming.

The intros not worth asking for

Some requests are declined for good reasons, and it is worth recognising them before you spend a relationship on one.

• The ask that is really a sale. If what you want is a customer, say so plainly or do not use an introduction to get there. Connectors can tell, and being used as a route to market ends the arrangement permanently.
• The intro from someone who barely knows you. Credibility you have not earned cannot be spent. If the relationship has gone quiet, that is a repair job first: reconnect properly, let a real conversation happen, and make the ask in the next one.
• The vague intro. "Anyone useful in retail" asks your connector to do your thinking, your shortlisting and your pitch. It is the request most likely to get a warm reply and no action.
• The intro you could make yourself. If the person is reachable, reachable is often faster, and it keeps your connector's goodwill available for the person who genuinely is not.

What to do when the intro lands

The introduction arrives and the work is not over. Two small conventions separate people who get introduced repeatedly from people who get introduced once.

Reply within a day, even if you need longer to say something substantial. A forwarded introduction that sits for a week tells the connector their ninety seconds were wasted.

In that first reply, move the connector to BCC and say so: "Priya, moving you to BCC, thank you for this." It takes four words and it stops their inbox filling with a conversation they no longer need to read.

Then comes the part almost everyone skips.

The two dates that decide whether you get a second intro

Introductions have a quiet failure mode. The intro is made, the first reply goes out, the other person is busy, nothing happens, and the whole thing evaporates. The connector never finds out. Six months later they cannot remember whether that one worked, so they hesitate before making the next.

Two dates fix it, and both take ten seconds to set at the moment the intro lands.

A nudge date, about a week out. If the other person has not replied, one short message is not pushy, it is the normal cost of a busy inbox. The same restraint applies as anywhere else: one nudge, no guilt, then let it go. Following up without being annoying covers where that line sits.

A report-back date, once you have actually met. Three sentences to the connector: what came of it, what you were wrong about, thank you. Send it whether the outcome was good, useless or nothing at all. "That went nowhere in the end, but the reconciliation point was worth hearing, thank you for making it" is a genuinely valuable message. It tells them how to calibrate the next intro, and it is the single strongest signal that their credibility is safe with you.

Both dates live with the person, not in your inbox. That is the Who / What / When loop doing ordinary work: who they are and how the intro happened, what was said, when to make contact next. A reminder that arrives with the context attached means the report-back writes itself instead of becoming another draft you never send. If you are running a list of these during a raise, the relationship system for founders raising a round covers keeping the whole set warm rather than only the ones that went well.

Be the connector sometimes

The people who find introductions easy to get are, almost without exception, people who make them. Not as a strategy, just as a habit: when two contacts obviously should know each other, they spend the ninety seconds.

It is also the cheapest way to stay usefully present with people you have no other reason to message, which is the hard part of keeping in touch with professional contacts at all.

So: ask one person privately, hand them something forwardable, give them a real way out, and set the two dates before you close the tab. Then put the report-back in Pesterless, so the person who vouched for you hears how it went.

FAQ

How do you ask someone for an introduction?

Ask the connector privately first, name the specific person you want to meet, say in one sentence why the meeting is worth their time as well as yours, and attach a short forwardable paragraph they can send on without editing. Then give them an easy way to decline. The whole request should be readable in under a minute.

What is a forwardable introduction email?

It is a short paragraph written so your connector can forward it to the other person without rewriting anything. It says who you are, why you are worth ten minutes, what you are asking for and what happens next. Writing it is the single thing that most improves your chances, because it turns a favour that needs thought into one that needs a click.

Should I ask for an introduction over email or LinkedIn?

Use whichever channel you and the connector already talk on. The channel matters far less than the format: a private ask first, a forwardable paragraph attached, and a genuine option to say no. LinkedIn's own introduction request feature is worth avoiding, because it gives your connector no room to check with the other person first.

Is it rude to ask for an introduction from someone you barely know?

It is not rude, but it is usually ineffective. An introduction spends the connector's credibility rather than their time, and someone who barely knows you has none to spend on your behalf. If the relationship is thin, reconnect properly first and make the ask in a later conversation once it is live again.

What should I do after an introduction is made?

Reply within a day, move the connector to BCC in your first message so their inbox stops filling up, and then report back once you have actually met. Closing the loop is the step almost everyone skips, and it is the main thing that decides whether you get a second introduction from the same person. Set the date when the intro lands rather than trusting yourself to remember.